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DOJO ETIQUETTE
The dojo is a safe, sacred space where we explore unsafe things. We create this safety and sacredness together by behaving differently on the mat than we would in the outside world. Rather than try to list all the rules of the dojo, I want to offer three ways to look at dojo etiquette.
As you train, please be open to feedback and direction about etiquette, and remember that it's for your benefit. This place is only as special and as taut and as sacred as we make it, each time we train.
FORMALITY
The dojo is a formal space where we set aside our normal, casual behaviors, and temporarily adopt a more careful, respectful set of behaviors. I like to think of this formality in terms of safety and consent.
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Every time we get on the mat, we must be ready to take far more responsibility for our bodies than we do anywhere else, and treat our partners' bodies with care. Everything you do to prepare to train--from bowing to the kamiza and placing your shoes and socks carefully in a line before entering the space to sitting tall with good posture and paying attention to demonstrations--this behavior shows everybody that you're ready to work, and that you can be trusted as a training partner. Conversely, flopping around on the mat, leaning against the walls, training in a dirty uniform, or bowing in with long nails or jewelry are all good ways to signal that you are not ready, and therefore might not be a safe training partner.
Similarly, suspending our normal habits for the attentive, respectful habits of the dojo is a way to signal that we consent to training, which is difficult and uncomfortable, and does not just involve being touched, it can also sometimes result in injuries, even when everybody is careful. I think that consent is a particularly useful way to think about all the bowing we do when we train. Performing a small standing bow when we enter the dojo, then a seated bow when we get on the mat, and then bowing in together, and bowing to our partners each time we train and to the teacher when demonstrating...
...all of this bowing is a show of respect, sure. But perhaps more importantly, it is a way to keep renewing consent to martial arts training. It's a way to remind yourself that you signed up to do this hard thing, and that you are pursuing it willingly. And it is absolutely where you would revoke consent if someone makes you feel unsafe. Do let training be uncomfortable! But do not not bow in to people who hurt or demean you, or who are otherwise displaying a lack of respect for you.
HIERARCHY AND AUTHORITY
Aikido needs the leadership of a teacher and senior students to thrive more than other martial arts because it is not competitive. At the same time, the purpose of training in any martial art is to build the student's discernment, confidence, and sense of empowerment. And we live in a cultural moment that increasingly mistrusts authority for good reasons.
Fundamentally, the power you give a teacher or senior student is yours to give, it is only a good idea to give it when it is to your benefit, and you can revoke it at any time. While on the mat, do consider whether or not you are open and letting the teacher and more senior students teach you. This attitude of openness to learning, in Japanese it is called shoshin, or "beginner's mind," is absolutely the most important part of training. It comes from the student. A teacher cannot demand it, and it cannot be replaced by customs or etiquette.
We use two customs to encourage that openness. On the mat, we call the teacher "sensei," which simply means "teacher" in Japanese but is an honorific--it connotes respect for teaching. After the sensei demonstrates, either to the group or one-on-one, students bow to them. These two customs do not replace an open attitude, but they can be a good reminder.
These two customs have been abused millions of times, in many communities of practice. If bowing to an authority figure or calling the teacher sensei brings up discomfort in you, that is understandable in this moment. Come talk to me about it.
Also remember that these customs are only useful on the mat. Please do not bow or refer to the teacher as sensei off the mat.
Lastly, if you are a more advanced student, please pay attention to whether or not you are being helpful, and refrain from teaching people who are not giving you consent and an open attitude.
SPIRITUAL SAFETY
All dojo etiquette is about creating an environment that is safe for serious martial study. By safe, I mean two things. Dojo etiquette keeps us physically safe. It also creates a special social contract that makes it spiritually safe to set aside what you think you know about yourself, take chances, go deep, and grow.
Spiritual safety is an elusive concept, and I invite everyone to help this dojo define it. I would start by saying two things. First, a place that is truly safe for your spirit is going to feel very dangerous to your ego. A lot of the forms and customs of the dojo are useful precisely because they check your ego, and allow your spirit to emerge. Also, it is much easier for members to take chances, be open, and push themselves in an environment that everybody earnestly believes in. Behaving like you believe in the dojo usually means giving more. It could mean always setting aside time after class to help clean up, taking your own training seriously even when you don't feel like it, or helping a classmate that is having a hard time. But it's a real knife edge! It can also mean noticing that you're judging others about not cleaning up as well as you do, or resisting the urge to give unsolicited advice to someone who didn't ask.
One of the reasons the etiquette page is a set of open prompts instead of a list of rules is because no list of rules is long enough to account for any thoughtless thing any of us might do, and because any list of rules can be weaponized, and that would decrease the spiritual safety of the dojo.
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